My apologies - it's been ages since my last post. I suppose part of it is because my focus on this condition ebbs and flows. AIS is a part of my makeup, and has made me who I am today, but it's not the only thing. Just as we are all a sum of many parts, and arguably, more than just a sum of them.
I guess that was a convoluted way to say I've had other things on my mind these days. ;-)
I've been busy these days - with the job search (I've been unemployed for over a year now), and with a divorce. Yes, the ever-supportive husband I mentioned in previous posts has decided he is done with our relationship. (Those of you who know me personally but don't know I author this blog will likely now know who I am. And yes, this is me. Only I change a few details throughout for anonynmity! ;-))
I mention this as I wonder if my discovery of my AIS was a factor in him falling out of love and wanting to end things. Supportive friends insist that it's not, but I guess the insecurity in me causes me to ask the question. Especially since he brought it up in one of our breakup chats. He suggested I wasn't producing the right hormones or pheromones to keep him interested. He still insists that learning I am 46,xy has nothing to do with his feelings for me, but I do wonder. If the discovery did affect his feelings, I would be a little upset. I don't think there's anything male about me physically. Heck, I went for a huge portion of my adult life not knowing anything was amiss myself, and I live with me every day!
In other news, I've changed the comment settings on this blog so now when anyone comments, I will be notified by email immediately. Before, I would go weeks or months not knowing someone had left a comment or question. This should happen no more! Thanks for all your great comments, observations, questions and support!!
New, relevant, post please read:
ReplyDeletehttp://ssmolka.blogspot.com/
Zoe, wrote some more...
ReplyDeleteDo you believe in miracles Zoe? The short of it is that I found the picture of a CAIS woman that has been bumping into me here in Vegas. I got an address. I wrote to her. Won't she be surprised when she gets the letter. I really hope she contacts me. Its a better setting than having to be confronted outside by strangers. I have been up nights thinking of her. Can't explain except for a higher power at work here.
ReplyDeleteJust curious - how did you know she has CAIS?
ReplyDeleteGood question! Of course never 100% sure, but mounting evidence suggests it. Over long engagement commitment no child or plan to marry. The guy may be gay and its just to keep the women away. The straight guys would find her too manly while. the gay ones see her as too much of a woman. Bathing suit photos look good(not doctored?). Feats of strength unusual for a woman, but too womanly to pass as a man(womanly but slightly more muscle mass than most women). Was a tomboy growing up, and did jobs men would do. Out of her own mouth,'I'm half girl and half boy'. Was asked about children, and gave an answer about liking to have any child, but did not address It to being her own. She does have a shorter stature than most CAIS women(only 5'5"). Just a few I can think of right now.
ReplyDeleteI'm a romantic:
ReplyDeletehttp://ssmolka02.blogspot.com/
Not sure I want to go there, but even in a bathing suit and everything looks like a woman, it is possible to hide something?
ReplyDeleteCorrect me if I am wrong on this. If she had been a young M-to-F transexual, my thinking is that she would have been more interested in what girls do as a child.
ReplyDeleteSorry, but it is possible she is a trans-woman. I would not of course jump to that conclusion.. But I also wouldn't jump to the conclusion that she has CAIS or AIS. She could be just a "typical" woman (the most likely scenario statistically speaking). She could also have Swyer's or CAH, or a multitude of other things.
ReplyDeleteI'd recognize first that the combination of features you describe are actually not that typical of a woman with CAIS. Of course it's possible - since there is no single phenotype. Some of us are physically pretty weak and have always been regarded as extremely feminine. But also realize that many other genes come into play aside from the "Y" and aside from the androgen insensitivity, so you could have an individual with a lot of different appearances and feelings. I don't think it's that easy to spot a woman with AIS. Frankly, after seeing and meeting so many myself, I don't think it's possible. Sorry.
That "I'm half girl/half boy" comment strikes me as odd. I don't know many intersex people who feel that way or would say that. Maybe she is a trans-woman. And yes, most anything can be hidden in a bathing suit. Though if she is attractive, and intelligent and a good person, and she's enough of a woman for you all around - maybe it shouldn't matter!
I guess I am in the twilight zone when it comes to sex. I have so many hangups about going to a hooker for sex and I don't want to do it unless it means something. I find women not guys attractive but I think my attitude of love is more of how I see women behave. I can just do it with anything as I hear that a typical man does. It sounds insane.
ReplyDeleteIs there a way we could get a chat going? My email is rocksolid64@yahoo.com. thats better than leaving all these notes. Either find a chat through yahoo or google.
ReplyDeleteOk, this is what I figure about the woman that I hope will get in touch with me. Born a girl with strong male tendencies. Because of very strict Christian background, reassignment out of the question. No underarm or pubic hair. Can't bear children.
ReplyDeleteHere is my final analysis. She is miserable because she is a woman. She made statements that she wished she was ugly. Go figure that the one part that everyone loves her for is what she hates the most. She punishes herself physically with bruises. Men are better at spatial orientation and it is a manly trait she does not possess. Been in many accidents. I really don't expect a call back :(
ReplyDelete